Now, this is almost embarrassing to even share. This was when I basically started out writing years ago (the majority of it at least) but I feel like, why not show everyone my writing journey? The good the bad, the indifferent. It's all here.
STATISTICS
I refuse to be another black statistic
Yet, something a little more realistic
More artistic, finely crafted
Easily adapted
Sorry to rain on your parade
But take it in.
I’m the newest upgrade.
I’m a very punctual person who don’t like to waste time
I always stay ahead and I’m never behind
Call me smart, call me cool all me all of those things
Cause I rise above average as if I had wings
Call me fly, call me optimistic even call me simplistic
But don’t for one ever call me another black statistic
I take pride in my work
Cause it really don’t hurt
To go that extra mile
I put effort in all my creations
So I can rise above their expectations
Though for me they have none
Don’t expect me to even get my work done
Cause I was born on the black list
Told I was nothing BUT below average
And the little information I understood I should salvage
Treated like some sort of savage
I guess that’s when I realized
That through the world’s eyes
Though it seems extremely unrealistic
I’m just seen as another black statistic
Yeah I have to work twice as hard to prove myself
But I refuse to settle for what’s left on the shelf
And I know that life seems a little unfair
But understand an opportunity like this is extremely rare
Cause at the end of your work you can finally declare
That you better than everything else out there
Then to those to whom you would plead
Who never thought you could rise up and lead
Seem to end up bowing at you knees
Cause tables turn and now you succeed
I guess I like to stay optimistic
Cause that’s a dream that sounds extremely realistic
And I’m proud cuz now the world knows
I’m not just another black statistic
Flashy Words
One day I looked into the mirror and couldn’t make out the image
Blurry like I had on no glasses, dark like no lit matches
In fact it, started my questioning of self.
18 years old and I still can’t pin point my purpose
Leaving me with the feeling that I might just be worthless
Not giving them the satisfaction so I just can’t desert this
See, even with the drive to prove a point, the question of who I am
still lingers above my head
Only escaping when I fall asleep in bed
But as the sun interrupts the moon and the light of day steps over the dark of night
My thoughts once again take flight
Reminding me that I have no conclusion. No type of solution
Impeding the making of my own resolution
I felt time was up and I didn’t solve the puzzle
Cause when I was screaming out for answers, life put on a muzzle
I had a demand, but there was no supply
A billion questions but there was no reply
Relentlessly sifting through bodies in my search for self
Confused and questioning with no means of help
I was developing an appetite for emptiness
Cause I never knew what substance was
Never felt the effects of what substance does
It’s like my eyes were open but I still wasn’t seeing
The air was there but I still wasn’t breathing
The message was sent but I wasn’t receiving
So I ran back to the mirror and stared hard at the image
And it opened my eyes to my whole family’s lineage
I saw my mom as an immigrant feeling lesser than
My dad striving for education nothing like the white man’s
I saw my grandparents working beyond hard for food to eat
I saw my ancestor’s working in fields because of inequality
And within all those images, I saw a reflection of me
But I stared harder at the image cause there were specifics I was looking for
I saw civil wars, African children searching for more
And as much as they would close, I saw many open doors
I saw homicides and genocides, killings that were systematic
From Darfur to Rwanda, people hiding in attics
And as much as our dreams would hit the ceiling
I didn’t stop cause I couldn’t hide the feeling
I also saw marches and rallies and life not as bad as it seemed
All because Malcolm X and Martin Luther King had a dream
There were organizations that encouraged emancipation
Giving society the aspiration to eliminate racial situations
See, it was the history that makes MY story
Making that image a lot more clear for me
So if you’re questioning yourself,
Look at your reflection and tell me what you see
Crack Music
It's time to get the message out
Cause it's been ignored for way too long
Yet hidden subliminally in every single song
Generously infused within the minds of the youth of today
To the point where it relates to almost everything they say
Sold as a legal product
That encourages the illegal act
Even the most sensible mind does it attack
Music is the only drug that turns the world into an addict
With the hidden negativity that makes us somehow want to have it
So we record it, bag it, tag it and give it out
And worldwide it enters and exits through people's mouths
And without a doubt, ain't no one gunna stop it
Cause when problems arise we’re the first ones to drop it
We promote the same media that promotes it to us
So when we see the negative impact we don't bother to fuss
The things they trick us to love are the same things
that are making us blind
Slowly yet surely deteriorating the mind
And if we keep taking this drug, society will fall
But we are too much of a punk to suffer withdrawl
So their music contiues to be sold
Cause as brainwashed consumers we do what we are told
So they bag it, tag it then we sniff it through our ears
As we encourage everything this industry declares
These people get paid as we run away from what we made
The man made drug as pure as blue magic
Pulling our ears as strong as a magnet
And though we search for help and try to refuse it
They just bag, tag it
And serve us crack music
Never Loved You Enough
I loved you but you would never know
Cause I was too scared to let you grow
Had to let you go
When I put a price tag on the worth of your soul
But please know that I loved you so much
I just guess I never loved you enough.
It's not that I didn't wanna
But i couldn't handle the dramma of being a baby's momma
And I didn't want you growing up with just me
I wanted to give you the love of a real family
But at the moment I couldn't afford that luxury
So please know that momma loved you so much,
I just guess I never loved you enough.
You could have been the greatest joy of my life
But I couldn't get mine right so I took yours
Making you suffer cause I created you irresponsibly
Making stupid decisions that really wasn't me
Knowing subconciously that I was bringing you into this world
Wondering if you were a boy or a girl
But the moment morning sickness begun
I knew you were my son
Because only boys could make me feel so crazy
I could have given you a chance
See you take your first breath
But instead I led you to death
Took away your first cry and first step
But baby you got to believe that I loved you so much
I just guess I never loved you enough.
And as I turned my womb into a tomb
I gave emotions and feelings no room
Cause my heart went six feet under just like your grave
Missing the life I could have gave
I would have loved to see you grown
But I traded all the joy I would have known all for your tombstone
No one understands the things in which I would've dealt
Or comprehend the feelings I would've felt
My personal trial and tribulation
Leading to your elimination, cried for my situation
Begging God just to be patient, with me.
You know, I even kept a book of baby names
Just in case my mind changed
I would have been there for you no matter how the seasons changed
Even if it would have rained
Even if it would have rained
But for some reason I just couldn't stay, with you.
I never knew you but I loved you
I would never put anything above you
I'm just so sorry that I couldn't have been brave
And everyday I pray for the life I would have saved
But just know that momma loved you so much
I just guess I never loved you enough.
The VHS of My Life
The VHS of my life cause back then there were no DVDs
Only cassette players cause no one invented the MP3
Break dancing on card board boxes
Where the walls of the town Hip-Hop would plaster
Kicking it old school walking down the street with my ghetto blaster
Days of the B Boys, were Hasbro made real toys and people took heart to the word “chillin”
Sitting on the front steps just illin’ cause it was a good neighborhood
With no killing and no innocent blood spilling
Back to the days were we would play dominoes in front of the house
Listening to “Summer time” by Fresh Prince cuz that’s what music was about
Fast forward to the era of RUN DMC
Where they would rap about the issues seriously
Where rappers wouldn’t preach about how good they think they are
Where children would stay out late to gaze at the stars
Dreaming of a life that blows beyond Mars
A million light years away
Like back then compares to today
Into a new era where life makes no sense
Where people walk around with a Defensive fence
Where the woo tang clang got corrupted by gangs
And now crime and killing has taken over
Cuz our morals are far gone from sober
The days were I’m ashamed to live in 2008
Where people are determined to take your cake off your plate
I reach into my attic to get away from the strife
And look for my VCR to play the VHS of my life
A Different Breed
I am a different breed of Christian.
I am a revolutionary.
I am a revolutionary.
I am willing to be that change.
I love God with all my heart but I express it differently.
I like to test limits.
I will forever question tradition vs.law
And I will do what I think it right- even if you do not agree
At the end of the day, all I can be is me.
So please talk. Please ruin my name because it doesn't live up to your standards.
For as God cannot lie, I cannot care.
I know were my heart stands
And I will not be broken by man
No, not by the fake folk at church
Swearing to the Bible, blatantly blasphemous in his house
As they smile to my face, then spit venom with their mouths
Or not even the people on the street
Though they can be realer than Christians to me.
My limits are endless with the possibility of outreach
Teaching nations what God once preached
But yet I get cursed to this day
All because I spread my message a different way.
Because my life is more radical than the most
Well the hell with you all.
I mohawk my hair because I like to stand out
I'm tatted up and had enough of people opening their mouths.
Sorry that I'm not the little girl you all once knew
But I'm tired of pretending as if I'm living for you.
So at the end of the day you can count out my sins
But only God has a heaven and hell to put me in.
Here's to Being Amazing (Ajax High School)
I felt like life was moving too slow
Cause the furthest I'd go
Would be to sit in my room and pour out my soul to God
And as I stood there speaking my mind
He would sit there and vent with me
Asking why I am waiting for eventually
When my thoughts are chasing my dreams relentlessly right now.
So could it be that I am my greatest enemy?
Cause who the hell is really stopping me from stepping out of the confinds of my own mind?
Then I realized that it was my very self
That was hindering my potential
As if success was somthing that could not become sequential in my life
And I had to step back because I knew that something wasn't right
So I simply had to ask myself: Why am I stoping me?
Why am I telling myself that I cannot achieve my greatest dreams?
Why am I so relectant to open my heart and just believe?
Am I just too naive or is this a concept that I genuinely cannot conceive?
As if there is no room for my abilities within the wrelm of reality
So I jumped onto the bandwagon of uncertainty
And followed the world down the road of insanity.
Or is it just me closing each door of opportunity...
Not realizing that no matter how many words I have spoken
I cannot get those doors back open
Closed. Sealed like my fate
But at this point it's too late to take back your mistakes
I then realized that I have no more time to waste
As I stare at the clock praying for the minute hand to go backwards
Only to realize that the hour hand is moving forward only faster
So I have no choice but to use my voice and get my life out of this disaster.
Because time waits for nobody.
For instance, have you noticed that these last four years have blown past so fast?
Here I am thinking that life is moving too slow
Until my friends sign my yearbook and I wonder were'd all the minutes go
Yesterday I was a child but now I'm fully grown
Speaking words of wisdom that yesterday I would not have known.
So within all my wisdom I have a message
And another great poet said it saying,
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond mesure"
But hold on, it keeps getting better
Because "it is our light, not our darkness that frightens us the most"
So I think it's safe for us to boast that we are some of the greatest folk
Because we are the youth of today
And the revolutionaries of tomorrow
We maintain and create change
Without having ideas to borrow because we are that brilliant.
We can move mountains
And challange the world's authority
And if we put our minds together
It's more likely to become a possibility
Because we are simple amazing.
...but only if you want to be
See, you can choose to stop yourself
But I'm definately not stoping me.
So Ajax High, Here's to being amazing♥
Oh Canada
(This one here was performed with my friend Karen who sang the anthem for me.)
(This one here was performed with my friend Karen who sang the anthem for me.)
Oh Canada, Our home and native land..
Native? Now yall are getting a little too creative
Cause we all are immigrants who came to this land to invade it
Thinking that European culture would emancipate it
When all it did was enslave it
Leaving the REAL native people with nothing but a sad song
Taking us years just to admit that we were wrong
Yet, that still doesn’t fix anything.
True patriot love, In all thy sons command...
Patriot love? For who? Cause if there’s not love for me, then there's no love for you
Convincing the world that we are the friendliness country
TSS! please!
Cause Canada's moto is "I can still do bad but then fix my shit before the rest" That way we can imply that we're still the best
400 years of slavery, beating niggers like I'm supposed to be
But then change my ways a couple days before the United States
And all of a sudden we are Peace Keepers?
With Glowing hearts, we see the rise...
What the hell have we risen too?
Reaching altitudes by taking flight to abolish rights
And ruin the life of the average man
Cause a couple of years back because of a terrorist attack,
Muslim women's right to wear hijabs were revoked while voting
Decades ago women didn’t have the right to speak unless spoken, to.
The True North strong and free...
Free from what though? Clearly not our own horrible decisions
Just look back on our past full of racism
WHITE MANS LAND- minorities just live with them.
From far and wide, Oh Canada! We stand on guard for thee...
Standing on guard, taking part in a war that we don't belong in
Watching our brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, cousins
Die in foreign lands by the hand of an evil man who hates not us, but Americans
All cause those tricks couldn't fix their own shit early.
God keep our land...
Wait. Why should we anticipate for God not to seal our fate when its us who are ruining our own country? With no mind of our own
Tapping into the zone of becoming a miniature America
Well the HELL with yah. I rather keep my dignity.
And lead with humility than be regarded with humiliation
As one of the stupidest nations.
Glorious and Free...
The world doesn't revolve around us so we need to stop trippin
And take a HARD look at the lives we are living
But the heck with it, so until then, Imma sing..
Oh Canada we stand on guard for thee!
Oh Canada we stand on guard for thee!
Black
Someone once told me that Black is beautiful
And ever since that day
It's what I've tried to portray
Until I realized that most people take it as a joke
And every time they talk I pray to God they would choke
Being black is something that half this race don't know what it means
Half breed children saying that black is the best race they've ever seen
When it's something for half they're lives they've ever been
Open a black magazine and tell me what you see
And you'll rarely find a reflection that defines you and me
I feel bad for the little girl who thinks life is unfair
Asking God every night why she doesn't have the nice hair
The little boy who thinks rap defines black
So he walks with his pants low and a tilt in his hat
Or the awkward girl who everyday is told
To put on some weight cuz she still can't fit the mold
Cuz black women curvaceous, thick and filled with might
So now that skinny girl thinks her body type just ain't right
There are too many standards for being one thing
So when asked "what is black" we don't know how to begin
The same people who tell me black is the ultimate race
Always feel the need to rub in my face
That they're mixed with something else
Thinking that it puts them on a higher shelf
And I laugh cuz while they think their "mix" makes them the best
In my eyes they've just dropped to something less
With the fake pride they carry inside
Cuz within them theres something more they're trying hard to hide
So you tell me...
What is black?
Why is it a race that should make me feel proud
Is it the tendency i have to laugh out loud?
Is it the long history that stays with me even when I sleep in my bed?
Or the freshly done braids on the top of my head?
Is it the body image I'm expected to have?
Or the power of my anger when life gets me mad?
To the world being black has more standards than just the pigment of skin
But for me the only standard is what radiates from within
Self Conscious
Controlled by what we buy to hide what’s inside
Cuz some would rather die than to ride with the truth
Expensive jewelry, Decked out in Louie V
The world just couldn’t see it was blind by insecurities
People these days are just so self-conscious
That’s why you see the men with their Rolex watches
Ladies walking ‘round with their Gucci purses
Even when you die, you got Mercedes hearses.
Acting like “ballers” cause they all rehearsed it.
People live their life with such a shallow theme
They say the people highest up got the lowest self-esteem
Funny, cause popularity is the world’s most cherished dream
But the prettiest people do the ugliest things
For the road of riches and diamond rings
Not understanding that no joy it brings.
They got wardrobes that can pay bills for a good month
But understand, expensive clothes is just a shallow front
We buy all the name brands cuz we’re all under pressure
But know that life is a --- depending how you dress her.
You can buy the whole world but you can’t buy freedom
People buy a lot of clothes but they don’t really need them.
Funny the things we buy just to hide what inside
Makes us pursue life with such a sinful drive
Till your soul’s SOS blows from out of your chest
And until u fix it then it’s evident that you just can’t rest
And I know its kind of hard just how blunt I can spit it
But we all self conscious,
I’m just the first to admit it.
What Lays in My Veins
It was an overdose.
On what? On life.
Will my mind ever recover from the pain that shot up my veins?
Will I heal from my heart being torn apart?
The doctor said I’d never make it
No matter how much I hid the pain I couldn’t fake it
Pressing on the verge of insanity, I can no longer take it
So pull the plug that’s keeping me on life support
Why bother keep death as a last resort?
As a matter of fact, let’s make it the number on priority
Cause why revive all the sorry that will restore in me?
Strangled and suffocated by denial
If only heaven’s distance was just one mile…
I’d pack my shit and dip
Cause I refuse to take anymore of this
I’m tired of fronting and I’m tired of pretending
Cause clearly my issues wont cease from ending
Putting on a smile acting like everything is cool
But the ultimate effect is me looking like a fool.
It’s like trying to cure cancer with Tylenol 3
An on going fall that won’t do nothing for me.
But I can’t stop.
I WON’T stop.
Because I’m hooked and addicted
And my limit on life is never restricted
But I guess my cut was mixed…
Cause when I put it to my nose, it was toxins that I sniffed.
When I put it in my veins all I did was inject pain
And when I smoked it with my mouth, I inhaled discourage and doubt
No fairy tale ending cause the heart monitor is about to flat line out
My blood stream stopped pumping and my lungs refuse to give or receive air
There are the dangerous side effects of a life that just isn’t fair
It’s this pain that lies in my veins
It’s this addiction that makes me want to do it over again
This isn’t very typical, a situation that doesn’t happen for most
But I guess that life chose me to receive its overdose.
