Forgive me first love, but I'm tired.

So I realized that not everything needs to be written in a stanza, or rhyming scheme, etc. Sometimes, just your thoughts alone, are poetry in themselves. 


This morning I felt a feeling that I haven’t felt in so long. My heart sank to the bottom of my stomach. And I felt every second of the fall. Words built up, but got stuck in my throat and my eyes started watering uncontrollably. I was hurt. I haven’t been hurt in so long. And it is the shittiest feeling in the entire world. Last year I went through 8 months misery. And I promised myself that I would never let anyone ever take my joy away from me like that. I managed to pick up all my broken pieces and put them together. It took what seemed like forever but when you honestly have no other option than to move on and find your inner strength, you do what needs to be done. And for once, life was going right. Now, 5 months later. 5 months of me working on me. I let some one take my joy. And God, I hate it. I finally got my heart beating again, and now it’s turning back into a stone. And trust me, a heavy heart is one hell of a bitch to carry around. Every time you put your hand on your chest and you don’t feel that heart beat, it’s a constant reminder of your heart break. Once you’re broken, picking the pieces up is the hardest thing ever. But the feeling you get when you actually do, is the greatest accomplishment. However, once you’ve been broken, you’re not as strong as you used to be. You can’t take the same kind of pain as last time because you are fragile. Whole, but fragile. And maybe missing some pieces because you couldn’t find them all to put back. Now I don’t want to say I’m back to square one picking shit up. I’ll say that I’m at around square 15. But trust me, it all hurts just the same.