But here it is. It's funny how a bad day can push words out.
It's that feeling of suffocation, like the air around me is toxic.
Choking on the pollution of confusion cause my thoughts no longer process
I'm losing progress
Keep taking wrong steps
As I drown in my ocean of thoughts
That were once calm waters like Jesus stilled them
Now inside me is a ravaging tsunami like the one in Japan that took lives and killed them,
Innocent children, what's left of my heart goes out to you.
Feeling uneasy
Like a million miles up with nothing beneath me- and I'm scared of heights.
I can feel my heart beat crawling up my neck, trying to escape out my ears
Searching for something better out there
Cause in this body it has lost its meaning
All my heart does is maintain my breathing
Cause to breathe doesn't mean you're alive
Half the world walks, though they've already died.
I keep my heart caged, and kept in a corner
So take it. I've replaced it.
I've become an organ donor.
Instead, inside me beats the beginning of an earthquake that found its home on a fault line.
Inside me beats the devastation of Haiti
As if my entire being hates me, so it seeks to upset and destroy
As my body fills up with the flood God sent for 40 days to erase the earth,
I cry it out with the curse of a mother who mourns the death of her son.
The worst has just begun.
Inside me beats the last thoughts of a dying passenger on 9/11
Praying for a reverend,
Giving up on life, looking forward to a heaven
But not quite sure that one exists.
Inside me i can feel the slowing heartbeat of a teenager who finds pleasure in the pain
of slitting their wrists.
Trudging through hell to find beautiful bliss.
With by standers not knowing that the hug they could have gave them
Would have been that reassurance to save them
Rest in Peace.
Inside me beats the heart of a young woman with the weight of the world on her shoulders
Wearing a smile that she isn't meaning
Cause inside her beats, a life that is screaming.
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